Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
I’ve really struggled with the blog in the last year. Fewer posts, fewer book reviews. You’ve noticed.
and NO, this is NOT a “I’m retiring as a blogger!” post. Although it is a very long, rambling post.
This is a post about how I figured out why I was struggling with the blog. It’s easy to know what’s going on. A little harder to know why something is going on.
Here’s the what:
I’d read a book, I’d enjoy the book, I’d have plans to write a review. I’d sit down at my computer, or sit to write some notes longhand, and nothing would happen. I’d have thoughts about the book, I’d have things I wanted to say, but I absolutely did not care about saying those things. I was completely apathetic. I’d play candy crush for hours, watch cartoons, bingewatch whatever on Netflix, read cooking blogs. Three hours later, it’s the middle of the night, and I haven’t started a book review, or put together interview questions, or comment on anyone else’s blog, or anything. And I didn’t care.
Ya’ll know the spoon theory? It’s where you have a finite amount of “spoons” to spend on physical and mental energy expenditures. Stressful activities take more spoons. If you have chronic pain, you’ll use a lot of spoons just to get dressed in the morning. The phrase “I haven’t got the spoons” is a polite way of saying participating in whatever activity will cause you to go into an energy deficit, and because #selfcare, it’s best if you don’t schedule that activity. When it came to blogging, I was out of spoons. When it came to a lot of things in my life, I was out of spoons.
I know what I write on this blog doesn’t matter. I know none of this counts as “writing” or as anything, really. But in my mind, I put a lot of energy into this. I like pretty metaphors, ornamented sentences. I like to write book reviews and other articles that I am proud of. It’s not art, by a long shot, but I am creating something out of nothing. for the purposes of this particular blog post, let’s call what I do here art. And art requires mental energy. or at least it does for me.
So, where were all my spoons going? And was there any way to get them back? And thus, we get to the why.
My first thought was maybe I was depressed. But I didn’t feel sad, I didn’t feel tired, I had very very few of the checklist things you find on those “do you suffer from depression?” internet quizzes. What I did have was anger and frustration, and heightened anxiety because I felt I couldn’t control the anger. I wasn’t depressed, I was Angry with a capital A.
I was angry at things in my life that were frustrating me. Things that made me feel helpless. Things that made me feel like I was bashing my head against a wall. Things I had no control over. Those things aren’t going to be going away anytime soon, but here’s the thing the anger and anxiety was blinding me to: I am in full control of how I respond to them.
I heard a great news story on NPR the other day, unfortunately I missed the beginning. It was a woman police officer talking about a time earlier in her career when she had lost control of a situation, it escalated, and the motorist she had pulled over spent the night in jail, and for about 15 minutes she felt like “she’d shown him!”. But then she said that the moment he made her angry, she had lost control of the situation. And as a police officer, she should never have lost control, she should never have gotten angry, that it was her anger that allowed the situation to escalate. Had she not gotten angry at things this man had said to her, she simply would have kept calm and written him a ticket, and they both would have gone on their way and no one would have ended up in jail that night.
Anger and anxiety did nothing for me but eat my spoons. It took and took and took, and gave me nothing. Because I was so angry, I didn’t have spoons left for art. Anger and frustration and the resulting anxiety was like a curtain that fell in front of me. I kept thinking if I just tried to create art on that curtain, everything would be fine. What I didn’t realize was the art was behind the curtain. My anger was keeping me from the bloggy art stuff that has brought me so much joy and satisfaction for the last six years.
at last, we come to moment of clarity:
I can have anger or I can have art.
I can realize that I am in control of how I respond to frustrating situations, or I can allow those situations to control me. Thoughtlessly spending spoons on anger means there are barely any spoons left for art.
And you know what? I’d much rather have art.
It’s been about two weeks since I had this little epiphany, and while those frustrating things in my life are still there, they’ve become noticeably less bothersome. And when they do reach the bothersome level? I’ll just reread this post, and know that I am in control of them, and not the other way around.
Every Star Trek fan worth their weight in Romulan Ale remembers Voyager. So many firsts in this show – first female captain, first ST adventures solidly outside the Federation, first crew that wasn’t solid star fleet (or even academy graduates!), and I’d tell you about some other firsts, but they are late season spoilers so I ain’t telling. After a wide ranging Star Trek chat with a friend recently, I decided to give the series another go.
Voyager originally aired from 1995 until 2001. I was in high school in 1995 which means I watched the first three seasons religiously, and then who knows after that, because college. I vaguely know what happens at the end of the series, or at least I think I do, but once I get to the last season I’ll be coming across episodes I’ve never seen before.
Like all Star Trek shows, Voyager has great episodes, good episodes, and downright boring episodes. I’m using the Watch/Skip guide over at Liz Tells Frank so I can skip the boring episodes. In her spoiler-free rundown of each season, Liz lets you know which episodes are must watch for the over arching story line, and which can be skipped. Netflix numbers the 2-part pilot as 1 full episode, and Liz numbers the pilot as 2 episodes, so the numbering is off if you watch on Netflix, but the episode titles are correct. Here are my thoughts on the Season 1 episodes I’ve watched so far.
I owe ya’ll reviews for Kevin Hearne’s The Purloined Poodle (it was so adorkable! I loved it!) and Greg Bear’s Darwin’s Children (what a disappointment!). While I was finishing those books up, the mail man and the UPS guy have been pretty busy bringing me goodies nearly every day this week. And of course I bought some stuff too.
Currently reading: Territory by Emma Bull
so, what looks good?
Everfair by Nisi Shawl has been getting a lot of buzz, and Of Sand and Malice Made is a beautiful small format hardcover (this photo doesn’t do either of these books justice, they both have gorgeous cover art!) of prequel stories that take place before his Twelve Kings in Sharakhai.
These pretties from Subterranean Press are Penric the Shaman by Lois McMaster Bujold, and Coco Butternut by Joe R. Lansdale. I’ve got the first novella in the Bujold series, and yes, Coco is a Hap and Leonard story!
I’m ridiculously excited about The Starlit Wood, and anthology of reimagined fairy tales. I seriously got shivers just looking at the table of contents. It’s like all my favorite authors and all their favorite friends got together to have a party full of awesome. Retold fairy tales? YES PLEASE. It’s gonna be tough to finish the Emma Bull with this sitting on the kitchen table . . . and that’s saying something, since she’s a damn good writer.
First of all, THANK YOU universe for not spoiling the end of this show for me!
I’m still mad at the guy who spoiled the end of Fullmetal Alchemist for me (wearing my FMA shirts every single weekend was NOT an invitation to spoil the end of me, you asshole!).
I’m most of the way through the 2nd season, here are my not too spoilery thoughts. I’ve put them under the break, because i guess there are some mild spoilers, or at least teasers.
We’re all always talking about the first science fiction book we read, or scifi movies we liked as a kid. For me, my love of science fiction was born directly from a childhood fascination with all things science.
For me, science and science fiction have always gone hand in hand. If you’re going to go explore the stars, it helps to have an understanding or at least an appreciation of astronomy and physics, right? Science Fiction is the stories of everything that science makes possible. And with science, everything is possible. My love of science fiction was born through my fascination with Science. Science made everything possible, science fiction stories are where all those cool things happened.
I grew up in the suburbs of Detroit. My mom would take me to the Cranbrook Science Museum. It was perfect for elementary and middle school aged me – youth friendly exhibits on geology, holograms, physics, astronomy, optical illusions, and more. I’m sure there was grown-up stuff too, but I was a kid, so I went to the kid stuff.I have a vivid memory of being 11 or 12 years old, and getting to go to one of their astronomy events where you could look through the telescope and see the rings of saturn. And I saw the rings, and I felt like I could touch them. The science of refraction and lenses showed me the rings of Saturn, and in the science fiction stories I was reading, people went to the rings of Saturn. I was looking at something right out of a science fiction story! And if the rings of Saturn were attainable through a chunk of glass, couldn’t anything in a science fiction story be attainable, eventually?
Around this same time in my life, I was a huge Star Trek the Next Generation viewer. Dad and I had a standing date to watch the new episodes. We didn’t have cable TV, so anything new on TV was cool, and getting to hang out with my Dad was extra cool. On that TV show, science (or at least TV science and technobabble) was applied. They were doing the things that I only saw through a telescope. They were doing science (and plenty of other stuff), and science was something that could take you to new amazing worlds.
Come on. I was eleven years old. Any planet they visited on ST:TNG was amazing to me. I didn’t care that it was all tv technobabble and none of the science actually added up. They were taking all the cool science stuff from the museum I went to, and applying it to do really cool things.
Science Fiction is full of hope that one day we will be able to attain what is unattainable today. And applied science is what will one day make science fiction a reality.
I recently hosted a roundtable over at Semiotic Standard, asking a group of folks from the SFF-o-sphere the following question:
Which Sci-Fi or Fantasy book would you most love to see on the as a movie? What scene are you most looking forward to seeing on the big screen?
Click here to see everyone’s responses.
and now, I put the question to you! What book or short story would you like to see as a movie or tv series? Are there particular scenes that you’re most looking forward to? What about scenes that would be difficult to film, how do you think a director might do them?
When I pick up a book, I really do pick it up with the intent of finishing it. But these last 10 days or so, I’ve been having trouble sticking with any one book. I’ll pick something up, read half of it, pick something else up, read 20 pages, pick up an anthology and read two stories…. we’ve all been there. I can’t seem to stick with anything! Years ago, when asked “how do you decide what to read?”, my friend nrlymrtl of Dab of Darkness said she puts a ton of interesting looking books in a comfy reading spot, reads the first 40-50 pages of each one, sees which one grabs her attention, and then she puts the rest down guilt-free.
I took five books that have been sitting on my To Be Read stack, and did the same. I read 50 pages of each (or at least attempted to), and one or two really stood out as books that If i continue reading, I’m gonna finish. the books were:
Spells of Blood and Kin by Claire Humphrey – Thomas Dunne Books, June 2016
Way Down Dark by J.P Smythe – Quercus Books, Oct 2016
A Lovely Way to Burn by Louise Welsh – Quercus Books, April 2016
Dead on the Bones: Pulp on Fire by Joe R Lansdale – Subterranean Press, Nov 2016
Too Like the Lightning by Ada Palmer – Tor Books, May 2016
Well? How did it go? Did 5 books 50 pages help me figure out what to read next? LOL, at least this is a spoiler free post, since the events I talk about in these books happen in the first 50 pages and I have no idea what happens next!