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The bad news is this isn’t a hoax.
The good news is George Lucas is donating much of the money from the sale to an educational charity.
But Disney? doing a Star Wars movie? I can totally see this turned into a 90s Disney musical, princess, animal sidekick, full musical score and all. Perhaps Star Wars VII will open with a young bounty hunter, one who lives unaware of her latent force powers. She’s already in trouble with the Sith, and little does she know that the Sith has plans within plans. . .
our opening scene is sung to One Jump, from Aladdin
(this is even more fun if you’re singing along to the Youtube video)
Gotta keep
one step away from the air lock
one swing ahead of the Sith Lord
I kill only what pays a reward.
(that’s everyone!)
one jump ahead of the Sith Lord
that’s all, and that’s no joke
these guy don’t appreciate force choke.
[Crowd:] Riffraff! Street rat! Soundrel! Take that!
Just a little job guys
[Crowd:] Rip him open, take it back, guys
I can take a hint, have I been betrayed
Its time to get out of here!
(beat)
[crowd:]She’s become a well known bounty hunter
But she cheated a powerful Sith Lord.
Gotta kill to live, cash in the reward,
tell you all about it when I’ve got the time!
one jump ahead of the Sith Lord
one skip ahead of my death
I’d scream except I’m out of breath!
one jump ahead of the Sith Lord
this ain’t as bad as it seems
I’ll bet I can escape their tractor beam.
[Crowd:] Stop, thief! Vandal! Outrage! Scandal!
Let’s not be to hasty
[alien] Human flesh is rather tasty!
Gotta kill to live, cash in the reward,
that’s why we’re never bored!
(Cue chase scene with required crash into a fruit stand)
[guards] she’s got a blaster!
you idiot, we’ve all got blasters!
one jump ahead of the Sith Lord
one skip ahead of my death
one trick ahead of disaster
They’re quick but I’m much faster
did I change the couplings
time to go to lightspeed
all I gotta do is jump!
that song is going to be stuck in your head forever now. totally worse than being rick-rolled.
At least now I’ll only be sued by one megacompany for copyright infringement instead of two. Stay tuned for the next installment of Disney Episode VII! Who knows what adventures our bounty hunter/thief will encounter? If she wants to escape the Sith and become a Jedi she’s got a lot to learn.
the Little Red Reviewer 
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