the Little Red Reviewer

The silly resumes

Posted on: November 21, 2014

I’ve been looking for a new job lately.  no worries, it’s cool.  I’ve had some really good interviews, gone to some great networking events, and read about a bazillion websites on how to make your resume fricken’ awesome.  After looking through a bunch of sample resumes of different styles, I starting wondering what fictional characters’ resumes might look like. What would they highlight as their accomplishments? How would they make their mundane jobs look awesome? How would they “brand” themselves? What kind of e-mail address would they have? How much information about themselves would they put on their resumes?  Might I be competing against some of these people at my next interview?

generic image stolen from the interwebs

generic image stolen from the interwebs

 

I ended up making resumes for Paul Atreides, Miriam Black, and Locke Lamora.  Much fun and silliness was had. Observe!

 

Paul Atreides
The Keep
Arrakeen
Arrakis (Dune)
email: kwisatzhaderach@arakkis.com

Experience

 

Emperor
Proven track record of excellent leadership abilities by  completing complex projects by bringing multiple parties and departments together. Fostered team atmosphere that promoted diversity and respected environmental concerns.
– Relocated Imperial Capitol to Arrakis
– Exposed  inefficiencies in outgoing leadership.
– Organized the tribes towards a uniting goal
– Developed and implemented new system of power and currency

.
Duke’s Son (heir)
This position included extensive training in Mentat capabilities, weaponry, music, and diplomacy.
– Completed challenging training modules
– Promoted a self starting and enthusiastic attitude with associates
– Conscientiously observed Duke Leto to best understand the Landsraad

 

Education
Homeschooled, privately educated.

Additional Skills
Licensed on Ornithopters and Carryalls of most makes and models (VFR and IFR)
Highly proficient with crysknife and lasgun
Prescient

 

Miriam Black
Seedy Motel, Grimsville
donttouchme@imserious.com

QUALIFICATIONS:

– Willing to relocate and travel.
– Accustomed to working unsupervised in fast-paced environments with the ability to think quickly
– Excels in business negotiations with a strong, fearless, blunt style
– Proven track record of anticipating clients needs
– Proficient with Microsoft Word and Excel

WORK HISTORY:

Courier, Louis’s Document Services, Aug 2014 – present

Worked independently and completed most deliveries before clients arrived to the office
Improved efficiencies by 75%
Received top marks on performance evaluations

Waitress, Katie’s Cafe, June 2014 – Aug 2014

Hostess duties, including greeting, seating, and cashing out restaurant customers
Waited on customers, made sure food orders were completed efficiently
had to leave because someone touched me.

Order picker, Amazon warehouse, Jan 2014 – Apr 2014

Picked orders with an error rate of less than .001%
occasionally written up for using inappropriate language

 

References available upon request

 

 

Locke Lamora

Temple of Perelandro
Temple District, Camorr
nicebirdasshole@Camorr.rr.com

Summary of Qualifications:

Experienced business manager with 10+ years experience in sales, investments, certified wealth redistributor, persuasive communications and import/export consulting services. Able to manage multiple projects and priorities, experienced with team management, providing training opportunities, and youth coaching. Fluent in Vadran, Talishani and Varrari. Ordained in the priesthood of the Nameless Thirteenth.

Professional experience:

Captain, Red Messenger Exploratory and Survey Svcs

– Graduated from accelerated and customized training program
– Consistently exceeded scheduling expectations, was present at all required meetings with clients
– Responsible for recruiting, orienting, training and supervising 50 staff, was able to reduce staff turnover from 68% to 14% by   improving staff orientation and training, professional development, and mid-level management coaching
– Provided leadership and achieved strategic and organizational goals

 

CEO, GentBast Wealth Transfer Consultants, LLC

– Provided youth training and internship opportunities
– Independent Consultant to several small businesses, law firms, non-profit agencies and religious congregations, often involving large investments
– Facilitated client meetings and networking events
– Oversight of all aspects of staff performance; performance evaluation, progressive discipline, mediation of staff disputes and grievance procedures in accordance with state and federal laws.

Awards and Accomplishments:

’77 Winner of The Thiefmaker’s MVP award (ask me for more details!)

Would you interview any of these people?

Tags:

14 Responses to "The silly resumes"

Andrea, that was brilliant! I remember having given a similar exercise to my students some years ago (I was teaching MBAs at that time) -writing a hypothetical CV – and one of them prepared a fantastic Han Solo’s resume. I gave him a straight A! Good luck with your job hunt.

Like

and now i’m kicking myself for not doing a Han Solo resume! that is genius!

Liked by 1 person

This was a joy to read! I love to see Kelsier’s C.V and gosh so many characters, mind you, Hodor’s would be a little sparse.🙂

Like

I totally should have done one for Hodor!! although it would have just been the word Hodor over and over and over and over again.

Liked by 2 people

Whats in a name? and all that sort of thing. Auri would be very interesting to do as well.

Like

Ha ha! Awesome idea. Very funny and a nice change of pace. Good luck to you!

Like

thanks! things are going well. slow, but well.

Like

These are really clever, Andrea.

Like

thanks! It was fun to turn what these people do for a living into BusinessTalk.

Like

This could wind up as a book, you know. Lots of short chapters, just an opener, the resume and then the interview.

I’d hire that third guy to work in the Venus Office of The Expanse Universe Corporation. Maybe send him out on the road…

Okay, now I want to see:

Grey Mouser (and partner Ffard)
Gandalf
Honor Harrington
Darth Vader
John Carter
Kira Nerys
Robinette Broadhead

and there are, of course, hundreds more…

Like

you think Galdalf’s resume would be a two pager? and wouldn’t Darth just force choke someone who didn’t give him a job? 😉

Like

Aw, come on – how can you not do Jean!

Like

actually, he probably has better qualifications than Locke. Dude could get a gig as a CPA in a heartbeat.

Like

Hah, I like Paul’s!😀

Like

join the conversation

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow me on Twitter!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,623 other followers

Follow the Little Red Reviewer on WordPress.com

Categories

FTC Stuff

some of the books reviewed here were free ARCs supplied by publishers/authors/other groups. Some of the books here I got from the library. the rest I *gasp!* actually paid for. I'll do my best to let you know what's what.
%d bloggers like this: