the Little Red Reviewer

Disney / Star Wars mash-up, episode VII

Posted on: November 2, 2012

The bad news is this isn’t a hoax.

The good news is George Lucas is donating much of the money from the sale to an educational charity.

But Disney?  doing a Star Wars movie?  I can totally see this turned into a 90s Disney musical, princess, animal sidekick, full musical score and all.  Perhaps Star Wars VII will open with a young bounty hunter, one who lives unaware of her latent force powers.  She’s  already in trouble with the Sith, and little does she know that the Sith has plans within plans. . .

our opening scene is sung to One Jump, from Aladdin
(this is even more fun if you’re singing along to the Youtube video)

Gotta keep
one step away from the air lock
one swing ahead of the Sith Lord
I kill only what pays a reward.
(that’s everyone!)

one jump ahead of the Sith Lord
that’s all, and that’s no joke
these guy don’t appreciate force choke.

[Crowd:] Riffraff! Street rat! Soundrel! Take that!

Just a little job guys

[Crowd:] Rip him open, take it back, guys

I can take a hint, have I been betrayed
Its time to get out of here!
(beat)
[crowd:]She’s become a well known bounty hunter
But she cheated a powerful Sith Lord.

Gotta kill to live, cash in the reward,
tell you all about it when I’ve got the time!

one jump ahead of the Sith Lord
one skip ahead of my death
I’d scream except I’m out of breath!
one jump ahead of the Sith Lord
this ain’t as bad as it seems
I’ll bet I can escape their tractor beam.

[Crowd:] Stop, thief! Vandal! Outrage! Scandal!

Let’s not be to hasty

[alien] Human flesh is rather tasty!

Gotta kill to live, cash in the reward,
that’s why we’re never bored!

(Cue chase scene with required crash into a fruit stand)

[guards] she’s got a blaster!
you idiot, we’ve all got blasters!

one jump ahead of the Sith Lord

one skip ahead of my death

one trick ahead of disaster

They’re quick but I’m much faster

did I change the couplings
time to go to lightspeed
all I gotta do is jump!

that song is going to be stuck in your head forever now. totally worse than being rick-rolled.

At least now I’ll only be sued by one megacompany for copyright infringement instead of two. Stay tuned for the next installment of Disney Episode VII!  Who knows what adventures our bounty hunter/thief will encounter?  If she wants to escape the Sith and become a Jedi she’s got a lot to learn.

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10 Responses to "Disney / Star Wars mash-up, episode VII"

Hehe…hehe

Thanks for the morning giggle :-D I totally needed that!

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there’s more coming. :D

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Laughing through my tears!
I don’t know what to say about this. I really dislike the…. concentration of galactic power that we see in the Disney hegemony.

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yeah, my options were to laugh or cry, so I chose laughing.

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My first thought was “oh no!”, it really and truly was. And the idea of a Star Wars Disney Princess (as my friend Jeff pointed out) made me shudder. Ugh!

But on the other side, also crediting Jeff as he pulled me back off the bridge, is that Disney has many subsidiary companies that make good films and they have the money to hire good writers so it is possible that they could create something that wows all of us Star Wars fans. I’m not hopeful, but I will no doubt be first in line when the next film comes along.

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My friend’s little brother ran up to me the other day and says “Now Princess Leia is a Disney princess!!” oh how I cringed at that!

i’m nervous, but like you, I’ll be first in line to see whatever they come up with.

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Well, to be fair to Disney, John Carter captured the magic of the original Star Wars better than any movie since the first Pirates of the Caribbean. I really liked that film — shame about its box office performance.

And hey, there’s no way Disney could do any worse than Lucas did with the prequels. :P

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don’t hate me, i still haven’t seen John Carter. It’s working it’s way up my Netflix list though, so I will be seeing it, soon.

I completely agree with you about the prequels. anything disney comes up with will be better than that.

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I read this out loud to my office mate yesterday and also tortured my man with it. He has high hopes that Disney will do the Star Wars movie justice……but I have fears. Still, as long as the legend/knowledge of the midiclorians (spelling?) died with the senior Jedis, I will be happy.

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I dont’ know how to spell that word either.

but I posted another song, this time it’s a song from Mulan. Enjoy!

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